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Introduction…

Hi, I’ve decided to write. Write about whatever the heck it is I’m feeling. I feel a lot. My mind struggles to turn off and now since its the new year I’m going to do something about it. I’m sick of always being swallowed and consumed by my feelings. Writing for me is like a release, it lifts a massive weight off my shoulders. Now before we dive right in I have a few disclaimers: I am no John Green, I do not have a way with words, but I have a lot of things to say. When I was going through my darkest moments I just wanted someone to feel the same way as me, so I didn’t feel so alone. It wasn’t until I found some incredible youtube channels and blogs was when I started to feel less isolated, not so ashamed. My blog is to do two things. A) to help me, to get it all out there instead of hiding it inside and B) to hopefully help some of you. If this even inspires one person my job is complete. Mental health needs to be talked about, it’s not something to be ashamed about and if I can do my part to fix it then I will do anything I can.

Thank you for joining this ride with me. I’m not sure how it’s going to go because once again my writing sucks, but if you can put up with bad grammar and my anxious thoughts then, nice to meet you!

xo

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Back here again

it’s the worst when I’m lonely. Sitting in my dark room, computer screen blaring, sad music softly whispering in the background while I watch snapchats of my screaming friends having another night of fun, joy and excitement. Why do I not feel these things anymore? Why are the only feelings I feel is either sadness or just plain empty. I’m frustrated at myself because I’m losing the people who I love most. I’m no longer the cool fun friend but now the girl who always overthinks, who always seem dull, who’s mind is in another world. How do I escape this feeling I’m trapped at the bottom of a cold dark pit and I’ve been trying to claw my way up. Sometimes I feel like I can see the light but then i slip, falling further and further than ever before.

What did I do to feel this way. Is this some kind of cruel karma? I’m done. I’ve fought it, I’ve let it consume me whole nothing works.